Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
