he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I understand Curling. That high.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
