life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I CAN MOONWALK!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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