Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
