you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
