I cannot find my penis.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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