She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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