somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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