Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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