I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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