Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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