He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
