I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
