If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
