She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
