Nicole vs. Life
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
