OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
