GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
