you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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