My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
