He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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