Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
