too bad you live with your parents still
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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