is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
