shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
