There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
