You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
