If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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