i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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