I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
