There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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