why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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