I am puke
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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