Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
