just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
