this just has baby written all over it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
