I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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