i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
