That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
