I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
