Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
