then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
