He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
