if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
