he thought i was a dude.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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