the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
