please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
