i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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