In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
