im drinking this country out of the recession.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
