what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
