You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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