i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
