we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
