I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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